Funny Little Things

So I found an old magazine when I was cleaning my room the other day. I started reading it, and found some funny little articles that I thought some of you might enjoy. The first was an article that gave a list of things that parents would discover from having boys. Since our family is all boys I'm sure we caused our fair share of trouble, but some of these were pretty funny.

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to will a 2000 sq. ft. house 4" deep.
2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run them over with roller blades, they can ignite.
3. A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaraunt.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 lb. Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words, "uh oh", it's already too late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9. A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.
10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.
11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12. Super glue is forever.
13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15. VCR's do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17. You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
18. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.
21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24. 80% of women who read this will pass this on to their friends with or without kids.
25. 80% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

The other article that I thought was pretty funny was one on getting old. Hope you enjoy.

AGING IS.......
-Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
-The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting for.
-Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know "why" I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.
-When you are dissatisified and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.
-You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
-I don't know how I got iver the hill without getting to the top.
-One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.
-Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
-Old age is when former classmates are so gray and wrinkled and bald, they don't recognize you.
-If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you are old.
-First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up your zipper. It's worse when you forget to pull it down.
-Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it's called golf.